


you lift me up

by minttobe_treehill



Series: Eddie Diaz Week 2021 [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, They're both soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:08:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29791029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minttobe_treehill/pseuds/minttobe_treehill
Summary: “I feel like I never know what I’m doing, Buck. He deserves more than this”, he confesses, looking at his feet.Written for Eddie Diaz Week. Day one: “I have no idea what I’m doing” + fatherhood.
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Eddie Diaz Week 2021 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2190585
Comments: 11
Kudos: 147





	you lift me up

“I’m picking you up in two hours, okay?”

Eddie sees Christopher nod from the rear-view mirror, already taking off his belt and opening the door to help him, Buck following suit from the passenger seat.

“You call me if anything happens, you hear me? You know how to use this phone, I’m the first in your contacts, and if for some reason I don’t answer right away, which is not gonna happen, but still - you call Buck, okay? His contact is right after mine”, he says, even though he’s sure this is the third time he tells Christopher the same thing.

“Yes, dad, I heard you the first two times”, his son answers, rolling his eyes and supporting himself on Eddie’s biceps to be able to get out of the car.

“Okay, smart-ass”, his dad answers in a playful way, although he’s not feeling very playful right now.

Two days ago, when he finished his shift and went back home, Christopher was playing with his lego in front of the tv. After saying goodbye to Carla and thanking her for picking up Chris and taking care of him, she gave her one last look already at the other side of the door and told him Christopher wanted to ask him something regarding one of his friends, not wanting to tell Carla beforehand. “He’s already finished his homework and he’s even nicer than usual - which I didn’t think it was possible”, she had said before giving Eddie one last smile and getting into her car. That’s how he finds himself a couple of days later, saying goodbye to Christopher and not taking his eyes off him while he walks into the diner that’s ten minutes away from their house, joining the rest of his friends for an early dinner. 

“Bye mijo, I’ll be right here in exactly two hours, okay?”, he repeats one last time before seeing Chris’ body disappear through the glass door of Roe’s Corner. 

Eddie sighs, resting his body against the car and crossing his arms. “I have no idea what I’m doing”.

He hears a quiet chuckle next to him, already feeling the light touch of Buck’s right bicep against his arm. “He’ll be okay, Eds”

Eddie nods, biting on his bottom lip, his eyes still trained on the glass windows of the diner, trying to stop his body from running inside, grabbing his son and taking him home. Maybe he’s less ready for this than he had expected.

“I just-”, he starts, pressing his lips together and looking at the pavement for a second before his eyes are back on the big sign located on top of the small building. He sighs before continuing, “I don’t know if I made the right decision, maybe I should have said no”

He feels Buck’s eyes on him. “And why would you do that?”, he asks.

“I don’t know, Buck, I have no idea”, he says, not being able to find a reason apart from _because I miss him already, because he might not be safe there, because anything can happen, bec-_

“Stop judging and second-guessing yourself”, Buck adds.

This time, Eddie looks to his left, settling his eyes on Buck’s. He feels his concern and his kindness just by the way his eyes are slightly torn. He looks away again, at a random point in the pavement behind Buck’s body. 

“It’s the first time he’s alone with his friends”, he tries to defend himself, as if he was being attacked.

“I thought Charlie’s mum was the bartender who will literally serve them the food”, Buck adds, as if he didn’t know. 

Eddie sighs again. “Still”

“It’s just two hours, Eddie, Chris is gonna be taken care of and he’s gonna enjoy himself. He’ll be back safe and sound and with many stories to tell you”

“To tell _us_ ”, he says, unable to stop himself, looking up at Buck again. He sees the small smile that threatens to come out and he feels himself blush, luckily hidden by the way Buck’s head is covering the sun from him. 

The silence stretches between them, but Eddie’s head can’t stop. He still feels guilty for many things he should’ve let go a long time ago, but at the same time he feels it’s not fair that he gets to forget the way he wasn’t there for Christopher when he was younger. He’s working on it, he tells himself, but it’s not that easy, and most times he doesn’t even know if he wants to get rid of that guilt. Maybe he deserves it. 

“I feel like I never know what I’m doing, Buck. He deserves more than this”, he confesses, looking at his feet.

Buck’s body shifts, turning to face Eddie, pressing his right elbow on the hood of the car, his hand almost touching Eddie’s head by the back of his neck. “Hey”, he simply says.

He knows what Buck’s asking but he doesn’t want to turn around, to lift his head and look him in the eyes - but he insists, like he always does.

“Look at me, Eddie”

And he does. He closes one eye, the change in Buck’s position making him not able to hide from the sun anymore, his shoulders not high enough. He can’t see the blue in his eyes, and somehow that doesn’t make him feel better at all.

“You’re a great dad. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve said that but I’ll continue to do so until you believe me”

The softness in Buck’s voice will never not make him feel like he’s floating. Sometimes he wants to kick the butterflies out. 

“A lot can happen in two hours”, he says, staring at the second button in Buck’s white shirt. 

He doesn’t mean to sound like that, he doesn’t mean the hardness behind his words. It’s true, though - a lot can happen in two hours. A disaster can happen in just a couple of seconds. That’s when he realises the implications behind his words and he feels Buck’s body stiffen next to him.

He places a hand on his forehead, trying to cover his eyes from the sun, and looks at Buck, noticing how he’s not looking at him anymore, his eyes lost somewhere between their bodies. _No_. He turns his body a bit, the hand not covering his eyebrows moving forward towards Buck’s body, fingers slightly squeezing Buck’s stomach over the thin fabric of his shirt, silently apologising for his words. He looks up and Eddie can see the blue in his eyes again, a slight smile in his lips that manages to cut the intensity of the moment, softening their bubble again. 

Buck clears his throat. “My parents were horrible, you know that”, he says, to which Eddie just presses his lips together and nods, staring right into Buck’s eyes. “I know what it’s like to see a father not taking care of his children, not _loving_ them. You can say I don’t know what a good father figure is like - although I’d fight you on it, but I do know what a horrible parent looks and feels like, and you’re not that, Eddie, not at all”

Eddie swallows, feeling emotional, tears threatening to come out behind his eyes. The intensity in Buck’s eyes is uncanny, settling him but also making him feel like he’s floating somewhere in the air, heart rate suddenly picking up. He presses his lips together, pouting slightly, fighting the urge to cry. A few seconds pass before he’s able to find his voice again.

“So you really think I’m a great dad?”, he asks, and it comes out softer than he had planned to.

Buck chuckles, “you’re just fishing for compliments now”

And that makes him laugh too, grateful for the change in the atmosphere between them. He tilts his head back and feels Buck’s palm pressed between his hair and the hood of the car. Buck’s eyes move swiftly to their new source of contact before he looks back at Eddie again, a private smile on his lips. Eddie is not sure if he feels Buck’s fingers playing with his hair or if he’s imagining it, but by the way the other man’s cheek turns a slight tone of pink, he’s pretty sure he’s not the only one feeling their undeniable connection. 

“Wanna go back and grab a beer with me?”, he asks, still fighting the rays of sun that cast over his eyes.

“Do you actually wanna hang out with me or are you just using me as a distraction until you come back to pick up Chris?”, Buck asks, giving him a pointed look but smiling big.

Eddie giggles and _damn_ , everything feels so good when Buck’s here. “Both?”, he says, biting his lip and looking at him with a playful glint in his eyes.

Buck blushes again. “I take it back. You’re just horrible”, he says before untangling his fingers from Eddie’s hair and moving his body towards the passenger side, opening the door under Eddie’s gaze.

He chuckles again and pushes his own body away from the car. He casts one last look at Roe’s Corner, seeing Chris’ blurry figure through the window. He looks happy, and isn’t that just more than enough?


End file.
